I’ve been a consumer of Liverpool social media for some time now and I can say with some confidence that I have successfully narrowed down all the characteristics of every Liverpool fan in into five different personas.
The transfer window brings out a different person in all of us, which one are you?
The Eternal Optimist
You don’t get worried about transfers at all, the club knows what they’re doing mate. You deliver regular reminders not to panic, you implore patience amongst fans and reject all the negativity. For goodness sake, the transfer window has only just officially opened you say as we enter July. There’s still an entire month to bring in players guys, plenty of time left yet as we approach August. “If Jurgen Klopp believes this squad is good enough, so do I!” you conclude at 23:00 PM on August 31st.
Who needs to recruit top quality players anyway? Look at how much strength in depth we have already. You share detailed squad graphics showing all the options Klopp has at his disposal. They include Daniel Sturridge as a reliable option at centre forward and Lazar Markovic as a potential backup for Sadio Mane. You argue if X,Y and Z players stay fit for the whole season we can really challenge this year.
You look on the bright side of life in the transfer window, for that I admire, envy and detest you all at the same time.
The Unrelenting Cynic
You’re a damaged soul, you’ve had your heart broken by this club in the transfer window before. You’ll be damned if you let it happen again. You probably laughed that Liverpool were going head to head with Man City & Chelsea for Virgil van Dijk. You have a general response to Liverpool being linked to any player you deem decent enough. It goes something like this “Yeah well I [insert very strange childhood dream] but it ain’t gonna happen is it”. You pity those poor souls who believe in Liverpool’s competence in transfer negotiations, those ignorant fools with their hope.
When a transfer deal fails to materialise you roll out the ‘I told you so’. A tiny part of you enjoys your cynicism has been vindicated. Strangely though, despite your apparent resignation to disappointment in the transfer window it doesn’t stop you getting very angry when things pan out exactly the way you expected.
The Conspiracy Theorist
This is a personal favourite of mine. You believe FSG to be the centre of all evil. They meticulously control every transfer story that mentions Liverpool, in their sole mission to undermine the club and fool us into thinking they’re ambitious owners. You believe John Henry purposely embarrassed the club and publicly apologised to Southampton because he didn’t want to pay the money for Van Dijk. FSG deliberately planted links to Kylian Mbappe to appease fans, you know, because that makes complete sense. James Pearce is the prime propagator of FSG propaganda. He can’t say a negative word against FSG or Tom Werner kidnaps him, puts him in a room and makes him watch Everton matches in their 90-minute entirety.
You know the truth, you know what’s really going on. At least that’s what you tell yourself, in your bunker with your survival kit fully prepared for when FSG finally launch their operation to take over the world.
The Gullible One
We’ve all been here in our youth, unfortunately, some don’t kick the addiction. You believe any and every rumour that’s flittering about on the Internet. You retweet ITKs on Twitter as reliable sources of information. You believe strange rumours by obscure foreign sports publications. You’re so susceptible to click bait articles you take unpaid leave from your job from June until the end of August because just can’t resist the urge to click, click, click, click. You go to weekly click baiters anonymous meetings to try and deal with your problem. I just, I Just want it to stop you say as you cry into your smartphone.
You have a level of football knowledge that should be admired. You deride these fans, they don’t know what you know. Ha-ha you say look at all these people that desperately want Naby Keita but have never seen him play. Well, Klopp wants him pretty badly so he must be quite decent? :YEAH BUT DID YOU WATCH HIM SCORE IN THE 51st MINUTE AGAINST SC FREIBURG ON THE 15th OF APRIL?” I’m unsure how many games you need to have watched a player in order to have an opinion with the kind of legitimacy yours has.
You also have a personal list of targets that you’ve compiled of your own accord. You think they’d be perfect for Liverpool you can’t understand why we aren’t going for them. You make sure everyone knows that this is whom you think we should be buying at every possible opportunity. You’re football genius, I genuinely can’t believe Klopp hasn’t personally entrusted you with the responsibility of establishing all our targets.
Those are the five types of fan you’ll come across in the next few weeks, which one are you?