--- title: "An open letter to Richard Keys" canonical: "https://readliverpoolfc.com/articles/an-open-letter-to-richard-keys/" type: "post" language: "en-GB" author: "Luke Chandley" section: "Articles" published: "2015-03-24T10:41:46Z" modified: "2015-03-24T10:41:46Z" --- # An open letter to Richard Keys **And open letter to Richard Keys, in response to [THIS](https://richardajkeys.com/richards-blog/entry/i-don-t-blame-stevie-g)** ———- Richard. Hi mate, it’s Luke here. How are you doing? How’s life over in Doha? How’s the weather? No, yeah, you’re right, I’m no good at small talk. I suppose the crux of it is that I don’t really give a shit. Can’t blame a guy for trying though, right? To be honest Rich, I had to google you to see what you were up to these days. We’d all forgotten about you over here in Blighty. You know, since the whole sexism thing. Who knew the British public and sport in general would be so against the idea of a wicked little weasel like yourself marginalising a woman in a non-gender specific game such as football? Absolute bollocks. Political correctness gone mad. It was all just lads mag stuff, wasn’t it Keys? What did Sian Massey think she was doing, officiating a game she loved? The kitchen is that way, Massey. Am I right!? Some “dark forces going on” if you ask me. I’m sure Ron Atkinson will be on your side pal, don’t worry about a thing. You guessed it buddy, I’m taking the piss. I think you’re a cock. I always have, to be honest. You have that wiff about you. The wiff of cock. Not sure if that is you though or Mr Grey. Stuck together with glue you lads, aren’t you. Like shit on a shoe. But, apparently, not like Rodgers and Gerrard. Firstly I will inform some people who haven’t heard about what I’m speaking of. Today, you, Richard Keys posted a blog piece about Brendan Rodgers forcing Steven Gerrard out of our club. That is the long and short of it. Have a look at it if you will, it makes for truly remarkable reading. The type of opinion piece you would find that other meff at TalkSport, Adrian Durham, write. Now, Richie, I’m unsure where to start. OK, I’ll start where you quote Steven Gerrard. Upon giving the interview after his stupid, costly mistake in the Manchester United match yesterday, he finished by saying “I don’t want to say anything else right now”. What it looks like here is you’re using this as the notion that the “..right now” bit of that sentence is important. (you go on to ask “What is it that Gerrard wants to say?”)  No, no, you daft sexist. You’ve worked in TV most of your life you fool, isn’t it obvious? Haven’t you learnt anything in that time? Even to a moron like yourself? The most important part of that sentence is “I don’t want to say anything else..” – the “..right now” part is a sentence killer. It makes the interviewer aware that, you know what, this fella really isn’t keen on speaking anymore, let’s just leave it. It well and truly ends the interview. Like he would want, after spending a couple of embarrassing minutes owning up to being a complete and utter pleb. Live on tele. In front of millions. So stop fishing for something that isn’t there. He may not be happy being on the bench, but it doesn’t mean him and the gaffer are having a ruckus. I’m really on a roll now fella. “He’s steaming mad at the scandalous way he’s been treated” – is he? Is he really? And how’s that, mate? How has he been so mistreated? Let me guess; for not being offered a contract worth as much as he’s on now for the chance to play less games next year? That isn’t being mistreated Richard, that’s just being offered what you’re worth. Just because you’ve been offered more than you’re worth (which is basically a stick of rock and a kick up the arse) doesn’t mean everyone should be. No-one will ever know how much he was offered, other than him and the club reps, but I tell you what, he isn’t short of the money, so he could easily have accepted. “Liverpool made Gerrard an offer he COULD refuse when they put a contract extension to him earlier this season.” – Jesus, this quote is brilliant. I absolutely love it. Come on Keys, he can refuse anything he wants. Let’s flip it around, hey? Liverpool made Gerrard an offer he COULD accept when they put a contract extension to him earlier this season. There. Easy isn’t it. Manipulate it how you like, soft arse. People can refuse and accept whatever they like. I suppose it is them “dark forces” you spoke about after you left Sky for being a sexist pig. You’re getting a bit paranoid in your advancing years, aren’t you, old bean? Are these the same dark forces Rodgers is trying to produce in having Carragher and now Gerrard leave the club? As you say in your article “People listen to him. That’s why Rodgers doesn’t want him there anymore” – this has to be the best. Investigative journalism here, mate. Ok, you’ve dropped a killer line, you’ve reeled me in. I’m interested. Now, what evidence do you have to support this? Richard..? Richard..? Oh bloody hell mate, what do you mean you haven’t got any? Christ man, you can’t make a mad, mental, sweeping statement like that without backing it up with any form of argument or evidence! Oh God, you’ve made yourself look a right tit again (sorry, I shouldn’t say “tit” in front of you should I? I bet you’ll get all ‘nudge-nudge wink-wink’ on us, won’t you.) Your job is to watch football, am I right? Yeah. Watch and comment on football. Just because I think you’re a bellend doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to do your job. Everyone is different, I agree, and that means that even the worst type of people such as yourself gets a second chance. Fine. I get that. But next time you write something, even if it is for your own website (I would love to know the foot fall of that webpage, I really would. I bet it’s just you and Andy Gray hitting refresh over and over again until Babestation starts) do just a \*tad\* of research. “\[Liverpool’s\] only real test has come against United. They failed it” – THIS IS MENTAL MATE. In fact, you don’t even need to do research for this, just think. Use your memory. Delve inside your mind and hark back a few weeks. I know, I know, it must be hard for you, to think about something like that when your mind is clogged up with FHM specials and derogatory terms for women, but try – try your hardest. A few weeks ago we beat the Champions 2-1. We also beat Spurs and Southampton. We’ve had tests and we passed them. We may not have done overly well, but we won. We got the points. Ok, we had a terribly off day against United. Inexcusable, most would say. But evidence proves that it was just that – an off day. To say playing against Manchester United was our only test makes you look, and sound, like a complete amateur. And you’re not. Apparently you’re a professional. So here I come to the end of my letter. It’s been emotional. We’ve had our ups and downs. You said some things. I said some things. We’ll agree to disagree if you like. Because I’m not even sure I want to be on the same page as you. One thing I can’t fault you for; you’ve got balls. Big, manly balls. You’ve got great big balls to even put a piece like that out in the open. Now, go and take your balls, your ‘LADBible’ Firefox homepage, and your Yorkie, and f\*\*k off. Lots of love, Luke xx