Gasp! Horror! Anger! Devastation! Liverpool players in “having a laugh like a real person” shocker.
Let’s not pretend anyone was happy with the result last week. We got battered by Stoke City. Our players gave up in-play. Full-on fucked-off playing footie. Which brings its own questions and annoyances, absolutely. What happened? Why was this allowed to happen?
Personally, I’m not that arsed by it, as it meant very little, but there are people who spent good money going to Stoke to watch us capitulate. That isn’t right.
In all honestly, I don’t know which is worse though, spending good money to watch that shambles or having to go to Stoke. It really is neck-and-neck. It’s a photo finish. (For anyone reading this who might be from Stoke, I’ve never been. That was just an easy joke. I’m sorry. It could be heavenly. It’s more likely to be Guest House Paradiso than paradise though, I reckon).
Yet today something happened. Something got released that would change my mood on football completely (and no, it’s not Jose Enrique that has been released *sighs*).
The thing that got me so excited was a 30 second video clip of our first team squad having a right big sing along to the ever popular and horrifically catchy ‘Kolo/Yaya’ chant. You know the one. The one where the singer says “Kolo” a load of times before doing the same thing for his brothers’ name. It’s so catchy that Brad Jones could learn a thing or two (EH OH!)
Why though, you ask me, are you writing an article about the video and not just having fans watch it and letting it all just be? Here is why:
Loads of people are fuming about it and it’s hilarious.
Here are some typical responses:
“YOU CAN’T HAVE FUN. YOU’VE JUST LOST 6-1 TO STOKE. CUT IT OUT”
“I HOPE [insert player] IS GOING TO GIVE [insert amount of wages] BACK TO THE FANS AFTER CLEARLY NOT CARING ABOUT THE STOKE RESULT”
“I H8 FUN. STOP HAVING A LAFF. I CAN C LOVREN SMILING. Y IZ U SMILING? UR EVEN CRAP AT SMILING”
There is much to be said for the current state of football and football fan culture in particular. I don’t mind people taking football seriously. I take it awful seriously myself. I think it’s great to be well into football. There is a level of enthusiasm that can’t be faked when it comes to being impassioned about a hobby or interest. Seeing people acting passionately about something they love is one of my favourite things ever. But as is dancing and getting drunk with my mates, which in truth is probably the reason that I love this video so much. It’s everything I want to do and much, much more. It reminds me an awful lot of me and ‘the lads’ (worst saying that’s ever been committed to print) going somewhere for the night, be it a stag-do or a night out in a far-away city and acting like absolute tools. And I mean, stone cold meffs. The type of night where someone gets kicked out of a bar for getting their arse out or calling a bouncer stupid (this actually happened to one of my mates on a night out in Nottingham. What a time to be alive that was.) This is what normal people do. That’s why I love this video.
The most depressing fact about football is that the gap between players and fans is widening. The reason for this will be due to the finance involved in football coupled with the heightened media training that players are subject to, and it makes for a very sedate environment to be involved with. Seeing something like this can give you a bit of a laugh where you weren’t expecting to. It shows you that when they’ve had a drink, footballers are tits like the rest of us. A video of a cracking gang of lads having a sing along about a player who is literally walking with them is what I would call a good time. It takes the edge off what is fast becoming a dull, lifeless sport.
Yet, having said all that, if you’re a cynic about this video then you’re never going to change and I’m not sure I want to know you. I can’t fathom on a human level how you can’t enjoy it. Look at what’s actually happening here. Yeah, they’re singing a song and that’s all well, good, “normal” and great fun, but look at the other factors. There are some other serious factors that need discussing before I can even think about closing the laptop screen, and here they are:
Firstly, what did they film it with? A potato? Millionaires these lads. should be able to afford a decent phone at least.
Next, Brad Jones. Just him in general. He’s having a boss time and that makes me happy. His clobber may be awful (he wins the award for worst dressed. Not sure how he can justify wearing loads of shades of cream) but his dance moves are on point. On a works night out, he’s the one busting all the moves. He’ll dance anywhere. Dancing to the bar. Dancing to the toilet. Dancing to, on and from the dance floor. He just can’t get enough. He knows he’s leaving Liverpool, we know he’s leaving Liverpool and he’s going to dance his way out of Anfield and into some crap Championship outfit like he’s auditioning for Riverdance. Shine on Brad, you crazy diamond.
Steven Gerrard; the natural leader. Decent gear, solid dance moves and always at the front of the pack. If he changes from an up-high dance to a down-low dance then you don’t question, you just follow. An honourable mention must go to that mad shuffle he does at the end. Truly bananas how quick he moves his feet there. I haven’t a clue what it is, and I’m pretty sure it was last seen in a 5ive music video, but he doesn’t care. He may be a Red, but he could definitely get in Blue with them dance moves.
Jordan Henderson is a Top Man. Close to the back of the pack, heading up the rear like any true vice-captain should, Jordan has opted for a great smart-casual shirt whilst most others have gone fully smart. He’ll have the last laugh though, because his Top Man special will have more flexibility than Rickie Lambert‘s Harvey Nichols ensemble when the big dance moves come out at 3am. Up there for thinking, down there for dancing. Proving the doubters wrong with some great decision making. Good lad.
Lastly, and on an even more tenuous note than anything I’ve previously written (no, I know yeah, that will be tough) I’d like to point out that Mamadou Sakho, Martin Skrtel and Emre Can (winning the award for most handsome man to ever wear a Liverpool shirt and rocking a classic long-length white v-neck) are together for about 10 seconds during this video, showing that we may well be crap in defence, I may have wanted to throw them of a cliff three days ago, but they’re sticking together like Daniel Sturridge and the treatment table and for that they deserve immense credit. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right lads?
I guess this article was just a shot at trying to lighten the mood slightly. Has there been fume? Yeah, there’s been fume. Has there been laughs? Yeah, there has been plenty of laughs. But come on, we need to see the brighter side to life. I started watching football for fun. I love the game, the 90 minutes each week where I’ll shout and I’ll celebrate and I’ll swear loads, but outside of that we don’t need to take everything so seriously.
Or you could look at it this way – there’s a cracking team ethic amongst the squad as long as Brendan stays at home.
