So much happened during Liverpool’s game against Manchester City, it was a truly crazy game of football.
There was scintillating attacking play, terrible decisions by the referee, horrendous sitters missed and so much more. It was great.
However, one thing stood out above everything else from the game and that was Pep Guardiola’s coat.
It was possibly the worst thing I’ve ever seen and as such, it has become the sixth subject for my Tactical Analysis series (click these links to see parts one, two, three, four and five). I simply had to write about it.
The Context
Before we get into the coat itself, we need to set the scene. It’s Manchester City versus Liverpool at half four and the game is on the tele. It’s a late Sunday afternoon in Manchester, therefore it is obviously raining. Pep rightly doesn’t want to get his nice suit wet and after Steve McClaren at Wembley, no manager will ever use an umbrella ever again, so Pep decides to get his big coat out.
The Coat
Look at it. Seriously, look at it.
I mean, where do I begin? I could choose 100 things!
The Collar
Let’s start with the collar.
When the coat is open, as in the image above, it is basically a giant flap, but as illustrated below, when fastened, it looks like a pillow that you use to sleep when you’re on a plane.
The Zips
Next up, the zips.
Why does a fella need so many zips? What exactly is he carrying at pitch side?
Wallet, keys, phone.
The only three things a fella needs wherever he is at any time.
You do the pocket tap to check you’ve got all three and away you go. If Pep tapped every pocket on that thing checking that he had his wallet, keys and phone, he’d look like he was doing the f*****g Haka.
The Studs
Next up, the stud buttons. There’s not really a lot that needs saying here is there? Use real buttons Pep, you’re not a kid mate.
The Toggle String Things
Let’s talk about the toggle string type things at the bottom, Look at them hanging down on this picture.
What are they for?
Seriously, why do you need a toggle there, to pull the coat in around your waist? I’m not having that. However, they’re on the coat Pep, so hide them mate, you can’t just have them hanging out the bottom.
The Missing Hood
Also, you’re a bald fella Pep and it’s Manchester, it’s obviously going to rain there so where’s the hood?
You have what can only be described at the Swiss army knife of the coat world yet you have to wear a hat to keep your head warm and dry? There 47 zips on the coat and the collar is large enough to house a small family of ferrets yet it doesn’t contain a hood?
Conclusion
Honestly, I used to think Pep was a stylish guy, in fact, he used to be. He’s lived in Manchester for about six months and already he’s bought a jarg coat like that. Probably got it from the Arndale.
Give it six more months and he’ll be walking round like this. He might need a wig though.
